Lesson 9: Welcome the Agile Copycats!

CopyCat

 

Ahh…That was a long slumber… it has been 6 years little devils.

But I am happy with what I see. You little devils have followed my teachings and have ensured this Agile Evil does really look like evil to most developers and managers.

I am proud of your little devils!

 

And as I woke up, let me introduce you to our new friend: The AGILE COPY CAT!

While I was hibernating, my little feline friend has ensured that she has spread her paws well in the Agile world and ensured that true Agility never takes root.

She has created little copies of her in every large and medium organization at ever level and these ‘Avatars’ are ensuring that real benefits that Agile people talk about are never realized.

And, If you are how to find that copycat in your organization, here are some clues:

 

The ‘CopyCat’ Customer or CEO:

These guys are amazing and yet very easy to find.

They are normally found in town halls, all-hands and even board meetings bragging about how they have ‘implemented’ Agility from top to bottom in the organization and how the organization is now flying high in the dream world of Agility

The recite the buzz words like ABCD.. DevOps, Spotify Model, Agile Scrum, DevSecOps… they are all on tip of their tongue

and yes, where did they learn it: In a one hour, online TED Talk, conference or video of course !

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And they mandate to their teams and managers:

We MUST follow the Agile/Scrum/Spotify… model and do ensure we comply with all tenets

That’s another matter, that when it comes to deadlines and release planning and budgeting. They tell the team.. I need the delivery by this date..Come What May!

Easy to Spot, Aint’ they :)!!

 

The ‘CopyCat’ Manager (aka ScrumMaster):

OK!

Now this guy is a little dangerous little devils ! Beware of this cheesy species of Agile humans. Because some of them have really transformed to this new Agile evil and they are damaging are cause!!!

but a majority of them are still with us ..in our realm of destroying Agility.

but How do you spot them! Simple..little devils..simple!

Just find that bunch/ breed who got a new certification added to their names in last few years.. CSM, PSM, SAFe, PMI-ACP, KMP… the list is long.so you should find them at ease…

When they were in the certification class, they were mosstly telling their juniors about what B***S** the trainer was talking and how it is not practically possible to implement what they were taught during the workshop but they did get that coveted badge to their name.

BUT They ‘commit’ on team’s behalf to the team and chase and chastise the team when sprint ‘FAILS’ ensuring that some members are fired when they don’t follow true Agility ( I mean accept all new demands of customers within same sprint, time and budget)

giphy

They do ensure team prepares beautiful graphs for management and customers to see

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

PSST! but behind the back, they are found asking and searching on google, how I can become an Agile Coach or Trainer ( After all, the bread and butter for future is important)

They cant hide.. isn’t it? The sheep’s skin slips over oh so easily 😀

 

The ‘CopyCat’ Team Member:

This species is a little lesser known at this time. Wherever, he is found, he is struggling to stay afloat in this Agile mess and struggling to find ways to get out.

He goes from class-to-class, workshop to workshop, certification to certification ( Only if it is on weekend! and paid by the company! but it is important because all his teammates are now certified), eats wholesome food during the training days and brags in his profile about the most Agile guy in the team but ……

just poke him a little and you will find him using the choicest of expletives for Agile coaches, trainers and of course, the managers and customers who push Agile.

Sleepy cat

 

So, there you go devils!

Keep finding these CopyCat Avatars my friend has created and we will be winning this new war against Agility yet again and sooner than we expected.

Here is to the rise of Agile copy cats!!!!!!!

Cat

 

Sayonara Little Devils!

Agile Devil

 

 

 

 

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